Monday, April 27, 2009

Hell Hath No Fury Like White American Women Scorned

I have to credit Frank J. at IMAO for the article. I found it on his site. Great blog.

Apparently what really irritates the Taliban more than blowing them up, kicking them out of their country and driving back under the rocks they crawled out from, is women. Not just any women, White American Women who travel 20,000 miles to help kill them. This understanding was the impetus for a joint RFP (request for proposal) that was put out in an effort to procure more White American Women, or WAW's. Prototypes have been assembled and are ready for competition. Boeing, the aeronautics giant, partnered with L.L. Bean and Lancome, has come up with what they consider a very formidable WAW combatant, complete with layered BDU, a new lightweight, compact RPG launcher that can be worn as an accessory or folded to fit in a matching satchel, and exploding lipstick. This WAW also comes with a Mother's Child In Mortal Danger Option, that when activated turns the WAW into a reflexively lethal killing machine. So much so, many engineers have died while performing live trials with this feature activated.

Also competing is Team Lockheed, who partnered with The Gap, and Coach. They have proposed a WAW combatant that features sensible lightweight matching body armour and helmet, with rhinestone studded blow torch and jewel toned grenades. This WAW also has an Historical Topic Repeat Button and Grudge Actuator, HTRB/AG, option. That when employed will result in a WAW that can instantly bring up everything that ever hurt or angered her, going all the way back to childhood if necessary, and then she will absolutely not, under any circumstances relent from telling the enemy just how bad that made the her feel. Recent live trials of this feature have been very successful. The HTRB/GA was able to stay active for 17 hours. Far exceeding the required 12 hour threshold. Team Lockheed spokesperson said the live trials demonstrate conclusively the power and stamina of an angry woman.

This was a much needed success for Lockheed. The initial live trial resulted in the WAW getting so angry at trial engineers she perceived were ignoring her, she fired several rounds into the testing equipment and took an ax to one engineer's '97 Mustang. Lockheed has made a public statement apologizing for the damage and has since reconfigured the Enemy Identification variable so the WAW only attacks the enemy.

A selection decision is scheduled for late summer. The GAO, who has been closely following the program, says the only challenge for the awarded team will be to keep it on schedule and on budget. Both teams have addressed this issue by implementing checks and balances to keep the WAW on track. Boeing put into place an Advance The Time Line One Month To Ensure Timely Production process, which, simply put, is a time line that's moved up by a month to trick the engineers into thinking they have less time than they really do. The hope is that they will finish early.

So far everything has gone according to schedule. Both Boeing and Lockheed feel they have an excellent shot at winning the award. One thing they both have going for them is what one team member calls, Ingrained Patriotism and Devotion to Duty, something that occurs in WAW's naturally. Apparently what makes WAW such a hostile adversary is the degree to which they love their country and hate religious lunatics that want to harm their families. Both teams agree the Patriotic/Devotion variable is the engine that drives the WAW into harms way, to mercilessly batter the enemy with ceaseless talking, just before she shoots them.

1 comment:

Pillage said...

Amazing! This guy has hit on a concept that Wight Landowning Men (WLM's) and Single White Males (SWM's) have know about for centuries, and usually end up losing a house or a Ferrari to, in-order to unload an old model for a new one.