Saturday, April 18, 2009

Crazy Bristish Lady

A 60 year old British woman is fulfilling her lifelong dream of riding a horse from Beijing to London for the 2012 Olympics opening ceremony. Which begs the question, LONDON is hosting the Olympics? Where exactly are they going to put it? Has the Olympic selection committee even been to London? There's no room! Anyhow, the horse lady says she's doing the ride for charity, but then that's what all crazy ladies say when they want to do something insane like ride a horse across Asia. The 5000 mile horseback ride will be made with two other Chinese guys who are using the trek as an excuse to get the heck out of China without going to jail. I guess they promised they'd come back or something. Realize that this is a three year long horse ride. I once rode a horse for three hours and couldn't sit for a week. I'm just gonna cut right to why this is a bad idea.

1. She will go through no less than 4 horses just getting out of Beijing alone, what with traffic, getting lost, pollution and people who eat horses.

2. Horse failure. In all likelihood the horse will just give up and die. Like a rabbit who can die on command once caught by a predator, so will the horse once it understands it's been forever and they haven't turned around to go home, the trip will never end, best just to die now.

3. Samurai Horse Thieves. China's lousy with them. This could end up being a real short horse ride and real long walk if she's not careful.

4. Saddle waddle. Think about it. She'll never walk the same again.

5. Boredom. Requires no explanation.

6. Cabin Fever. Usually associated with long ship voyages, it is easily applied here as well. After a while, I would hate anyone I had to be with non-stop for three years on a horse. I would probably even hate the horse too.


RedHorse said...

Why are Japanese Samurai stealing horses in China?

Genuis said...

Chinese have samurai too! Wikipedia says so.